The Cone Zone (or "Why Me?")

This one goes out to the target marketers at Google, whose advert algorithm delivered a curious link to the margin of my Gmail screen - a link to "the official website from the makers of The Cone". A link to: The Cone Zone.

Exactly how many dirty Gchats did I have to send? How many porn distribution lists did I have to run? How many cocks, clits and quimbys had to show up in my mailbox before I became a likely out-click to purveyors of the pink, "partially penetrative" adult toy (pictured beneath the blasé gentleman at left) that promises to have you "rocking, humping, and gyrating like a slag in a nightclub" ??

The Cone Zone is not shy about tooting its own cone. Per TCZ, purchasing this "adult toy with style" may cause "absent days from work" or an "advert in the paper broadcasting that your family have reported you missing." With so many "serving suggestions" (the  shadowy Times-reader above is just one of the website's graphic illustrations), I can only imagine how many people have packed up their cones and fled south for some warm, secluded locale where the lust between a human and a cone can be, if not accepted, at least tolerated and understood.

In the end, I have to give it to Google - they were right about the clicking habits of La Linguetta. My cone and I are forever grateful.

Update on Fri, May 14, 2010 by La Linguetta

In anticipation of Pride Month, we note that the pink triangle is also a gay rights symbol, though one of grim origin - in Nazi concentration camps, homosexual men were forced to wear an inverted pink triangle (or upside-down cone, if you prefer) to self-identify. Per Wikipedia, pink was traditionally a 'masculine' color (as a derivative of red). Thus, the gay pink triangle was not meant to symbolize the femininity of the wearer; rather, it served as a method of sorting gay men "with their kind" (the Jews wore similar badges in yellow). Wonder if The Cone Zone customers are aware that they're coning themselves to climax on a hard-won symbol of Gay Pride?

Comments

[Michael]

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Right-on, La Ling!

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